I start this reflection in December because there is simply too much to recount and reflect on to try to do it all at the end of my third year. I begin with the time in August as I ended my summer classes and internship and you can find that experience here!
Trying to describe how this year has transpired is almost impossible with all that went down so I will do my best with pictures and will in the gaps.
I first want to establish that I spent almost all of my time this semester at the desk pictured below. Second, I don't want this to be a "Look what I've done during the pandemic, don't you wish you could accomplish as much as I could" when there are days that I truly have faced some of my lowest lows this year.I want to establish that the following pictures are events that brought me some form of joy as we were forced to continue existing in a global pandemic. There is little photographic evidence of the really hard times, but trust me when I say that they existed.
Trying to describe how this year has transpired is almost impossible with all that went down so I will do my best with pictures and will in the gaps.
I first want to establish that I spent almost all of my time this semester at the desk pictured below. Second, I don't want this to be a "Look what I've done during the pandemic, don't you wish you could accomplish as much as I could" when there are days that I truly have faced some of my lowest lows this year.I want to establish that the following pictures are events that brought me some form of joy as we were forced to continue existing in a global pandemic. There is little photographic evidence of the really hard times, but trust me when I say that they existed.
The Semester of Fall 2020
This is where I lived for most of the year, so it felt right to include my desk set up for the first picture of this year-in-review.
I was nominated to run for homecoming court this past fall. Though I didn't end up on the court, it was an exciting time to be engaged with the university community online.
With an outdoor photoshoot, I had the privilege to model some clothes for my friend's thrift and consignment store, check her website out here!
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Winter + Spring 2021
This spring semester was an incredible difficult one for many reasons. The continued stress of hard STEM classes, the worry of balancing COVID concerns with leaving the house, the collective grief as thousands of people died each day, and managing the responsibilities of my extracurriculars left me struggling mentally towards the end of the semester. In addition, nothing can truly prepare you for the unexpected death of your classmate, one you haven't seen in over a year and struggle to grieve as the semester ends. After it ended, I recall talking to my dad about these struggles and he said the cliche, "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger" but I would have to disagree with him and Kelly Clarkson. I had to seriously reconsider career goals because my mental health was in the gutter and I had days where I couldn't leave the bed without crying unprovoked. It's not a good feeling, and I knew I was struggling and went to CAPS this semester. After my CAPS appointment, I decided to actually start looking for a therapist because preventative mental health treatment is probably better than the alternative.
In other important news of the semester, I think it's important that I address something that took a lot of my spirit this year: applying to the Goldwater. If you're unfamiliar with this accolade, it's essentially a scholarship with a significant amount of social clout meant for people who want to pursue research in the future. I put a bit of my soul in the process that started in September and ended in January knowing that there was no guarantee of a reward. Even though I knew this, it still stung to get the rejection email the morning after taking a physiology test (a double whammy of a day, I tell you). It left me with feelings of inadequacy, anger, frustration, and the sting of self-doubt. I took my time to grieve and embrace these emotions as they came because they're part of this human experience? Despite the outcome, this is just one stepping stone of learning how to process rejection and 'failure.' I put failure in quotes because I think completing the application alone was somewhat of a Herculean task that I honestly can't believe I did. I am so grateful for the opportunity and all of the incredible support I received during my application process, and what's better than applying to just one nationally competitive award? Applying to two! As of right now, I am applying for another extremely competitive award, the Fulbright. Find out more about my application process here as I continue to bare my soul to strangers who decide if I'm worthy of a scholarship!
In other important news of the semester, I think it's important that I address something that took a lot of my spirit this year: applying to the Goldwater. If you're unfamiliar with this accolade, it's essentially a scholarship with a significant amount of social clout meant for people who want to pursue research in the future. I put a bit of my soul in the process that started in September and ended in January knowing that there was no guarantee of a reward. Even though I knew this, it still stung to get the rejection email the morning after taking a physiology test (a double whammy of a day, I tell you). It left me with feelings of inadequacy, anger, frustration, and the sting of self-doubt. I took my time to grieve and embrace these emotions as they came because they're part of this human experience? Despite the outcome, this is just one stepping stone of learning how to process rejection and 'failure.' I put failure in quotes because I think completing the application alone was somewhat of a Herculean task that I honestly can't believe I did. I am so grateful for the opportunity and all of the incredible support I received during my application process, and what's better than applying to just one nationally competitive award? Applying to two! As of right now, I am applying for another extremely competitive award, the Fulbright. Find out more about my application process here as I continue to bare my soul to strangers who decide if I'm worthy of a scholarship!